To The Marrow

“At some time in our lives, we all face serious illness: in ourselves, in our families, or in our work as caregivers.”

A compelling, courageously written description of one man’s journey through bone marrow transplantation, one of the most arduous and extraordinary medical interventions that some people are compelled to choose and endure.

To the Marrow is the third title of CavanKerry’s Literature of Illness imprint, LaurelBooks. LaurelBooks are fine collections of poetry and prose that explore the many poignant issues associated with confronting serious physical and/or psychological illness.

Robert Seder was a production and lighting designer for many dance and theater companies for 20 years, working with David Gordon, Lucinda Childs, Meredith Monk, Carolyn Brown, Eric Bogosian, and Philip Glass, among others. He was a semifinalist for the Julie Harris Playwright award in 1987 with LIGHT, and wrote several other plays, produced in New York City, Madison and Boston. He also wrote novels and short stories in addition to his narrative of his first bone marrow transplant. He was an enthusiastic participant and teacher in the Bard College Language and Thinking Program and also offered “Writing Our Illness” workshops to the community. After undergoing a second bone marrow transplant in August 2001, he died on March 6, 2002, from multiple infections that his weakened immune system was unable to defeat. His posthumous collection, To The Marrow (2007), chronicles his journey through bone marrow transplantation.

Day Minus Seven

Tomorrow I walk into a room at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and will not walk out for four to six weeks. Every day I can, I’ll let you know what happens as I undergo a bone marrow transplant. I understand there’ll be some bad days when I won’t feel like saying anything. If one day you don’t hear from me, don’t assume the worst. Maybe I’ll just be too tired to talk. While I’m in there, you will be out walking around in the world. Dress warmly for the January cold and wear your boots when you go out to eat and dance. Take care when you go to work, go on vacation, go shopping, go skating.While I’m inside, you may get fired or start a new job, retire, graduate, or start school. You might go broke or win the lottery, get married or separated or come out of the closet.

You’ll get sick, call the doctor, put off calling the doctor, get well. You’ll fight with your family, make up, break up, crack up. You’ll fall in love, keep old loves alive, watch love fade. You’ll give birth, get into car accidents, pay your bills, or let them pile up. You’ll put kids on the school bus, take them out to playdates, wipe their runny noses, take them to the doctor and come home with ten days of gooey pink medicine.

My relationship with Robert Seder was intimately close but at the same time ruled by the head and not the heart. Chronicled in these pages is a tale of one man’s extraordinary grace, courage, and resounding epiphanies, set against the backdrop of the most complex and grueling medical interventions of the past century.
— Kenneth Offit, M.D.

To the Marrow is Robert Seder’s intimate and searing journal of his five-year journey through a bone marrow transplant…The book is profound, not because Robert has died, but because any time a human being opens the door between life and death . . . we see and hear things briefly with an echo of the gods who normally stay out of view. It is up to us whether we dismiss such illuminations or take them as the unseen bedrock of our days . . . Robert opens the most honest conversation with no one and everyone on what it means to be alive, and to love and be loved.
— Mark Nepo

Seder’s book is his day-by-day account of his own experience with an autologous bone marrow transplantation for lymphoma in 1992 . . . The story he tells is an insightful and deeply touching account of his journey and of the people he met. Central to his narrative are his caregivers…Some he loved, some he cursed, but the quality of his responses will not be forgotten…Although the book is about lymphoma and bone marrow transplantation, Seder’s experience could be that of anyone with a severe illness who is undertaking a risky and potentially fatal therapy. As he enters his isolation room for the first time, he realizes that he is near the hospital where he was born. He writes, “I’m an old elephant come home to die and cannot find the watering hole under the parking lot.” . . . The insights that he gives in his book will be illuminating for all who care for patients with severe and potentially fatal illness.
— Robertson Parkman, M.D., The New England Journal of Medicine

February 2007
88 pp
Trade paper – 6 X 9.25
$18
ISBN 978-0-9723045-6-6
LaurelBooks